Your LGBTQ Relative/Friend: Talk, Learn, Respect, Love

When someone learns that a family member or friend is Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, or Queer/Questioning (LGBTQ), one may experience a mixture of emotions ranging from shock, denial, guilt, and anger, to relief and acceptance. According to Lambda Legal, approximately one in every four families in this country has a family member who is LGBTQ. Individuals who may be struggling with their sexuality or identity needs somebody they can trust. For some, this can be difficult and for others, this “coming out” is received and seen as a sign of trust.

Granted there is more support available for the LGBTQ community. Still going public about one’s sexuality is scary and for many, unsafe. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are at an overall increased risk of violence because of homophobia, harassment, and violent acts directed towards gay persons. 

A Relative Shares Their Story

My nephew Marchael Clements, who is now twenty-six years old, is a very kind and loving person who treats everyone with love and respect. He discovered his sexuality at a very young age. “I took interest in hobbies that were of a female, but I didn’t identify myself as a homosexual then. When I was around 21 or 22 years old, my boyfriend shared a picture of us together on social media. It was then that I felt compelled to share it with my family”. 

Prior to the social media post, the family was already aware Marchael was gay; we were just waiting for him to feel comfortable to discuss his preferred lifestyle with us. “It was a blessing when the majority of my family accepted my sexuality, surprisingly my father too. I felt as if I’d lifted tons of weight off of my shoulders because I went through a stage of worrying about how others were going to accept me.” 

My First Reaction

When I learned of Marchael’s sexuality, I wasn’t angry or resentful towards him. I understood even though I knew it was a sinful act according to the biblical scriptures that I believe in. I’ve been asked a few times “Did you still love and respect your nephew after you found out he was gay?” To answer this question, yes I did, even more than I did before. My family and I respected his decision because we couldn’t control his life. We had to continue to love him unconditionally, support and guide him through life, and accept him for who he is not what he is. 

His mother and I are sisters, and we’re strong believers. We, including our mother, had so many discussions with him about life. We taught him to respect himself and love and accept others without judgment. So he knew he didn’t have to keep his lifestyle a secret because he has a family who love and support him. But, what’s most important is that he trusted me enough to share that information. How could I have stopped loving a little boy who called me his favorite aunt? Who wanted to follow me everywhere? Who used to help me clean my room? There is no way I could’ve neglected a child I helped raise because of his sexuality. My nephew is the most loving, generous, and kindest person. He’s always looking to help others in any way he can.

Lessons Learned

What some people fail to realize is just because you’re a Christian doesn’t mean you have to dismiss people because of their sexuality. We don’t have to condone their sexual behavior, but we do have to love and respect them. According to Romans 2:1, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point, you judge another; you are condemning yourself because you who pass judgment do the same things.” No sin is greater than another.

Learning of his sexuality helped change my perspective of the LGBTQ community.  I have enlightened awareness about the LGBTQ community and met others who are just as kind as him. I learned to embrace them with compassion and positivity. What breaks my heart is that so many families abandon their gay relatives to avoid embarrassment. Then that person attaches himself to others for support and ends up getting hurt, abused, hurting themselves, or messed up mentally.

Some Choose Suicide Rather than “Come Out”

Many individuals that identify with LGBTQ often commit or seriously consider committing suicide. They are too afraid to tell family members or friends they are LGBTQ. The CDC also reports that males in the United States are more likely to take their own life at nearly four times the rate of females and represent 79% of all U.S. suicides. Suicide is the seventh leading cause of death for males in the United States. Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are at even greater risk for suicide attempts, especially before the age of 25.

My Charge to Relatives and Friends of LGBTQ

People; let’s continue to provide a safe environment for LGBTQ individuals. I implore you, please do not neglect your gay relative or friend because he/ she/they don’t live life according to your beliefs. I charge you to open your hearts and minds and be supportive. You don’t have the right to judge their life. Regardless of how they choose to live their life. Remember, whether it’s your LGBTQ relative or friend, talk with them, learn from them, respect them, and love them.